Grey Matter
by Alyssatheexcellent
Summary: "It had been a very long time since Draco Malfoy had seen the black and white of right and wrong bleed together. Everything was a grey area- just some shades were lighter grey and others were much darker. The idea of black and white had even become a grey matter…" My level of cheese astounds me sometimes. Dramione. Smutty as heck.
1. Chapter 1

First one Ive written in a very long time- fan fiction I mean- not just a DM/HG one. Actually this is the first one involving Hermione Granger… I usually put it into the perspective of but this will be in third person most of the time unless itallicised.…. Lets see how far I get before I get bored with it… Phew… Here goes…. No real format hopefully it won't need too much editing…

**Chapter one:**

He had known very well when he woke up next to her the gravity of what he had done…. He didn't regret it by any means; in fact- he had enjoyed himself in a way he didn't think possible again since Daphne Greengrass had… well… he couldn't quite come up with what she had done, considering the breakup was mutual from the fading of the passion they once had for each other over a two year period. He was with her for about a year before he started noticing the growing distance between them. It was no ones fault per say it just happened… But it broke his heart when the effort they both gave to make it last ran out on her end quicker than it had on his.

He had been in complete and utter- albeit tipsy- bliss… and she had been drunk off her ass. He knew she probably didn't remember- hell, maybe it was better that way. Draco Malfoy, even after the Deatheaters lost the war, didn't need everyone thinking he had gone soft… And he had, for her.

_But just for the night_ he reasoned to himself _After all, I had been drinking…_

Draco Malfoy had been drinking a lot lately. And for an 18 year old wizard with the past few years going the way they went, who the hell could blame him? If they blamed him they could go fuck themselves. No one else understood the awfulness of having the Douche Lord in your home for months whilst you must go and play school as though you had no idea of the impending doom of your classmates, professors and wizards on the wrong side of the playing field alike… Turns out he was the one on the wrong side. He knew it, too, but obligation got in the way….

How the hell was he going to wake her up? And as though she read his mind- she stirred. A faint smile brushed across her face and a smirk was pulling at his lips. He forced his cheek muscles to relax and pretended as though, he too, was just waking up just as she opened her eyes…..

Her smile immediately faded into what was now a look of shock, suspect and of course: anger.

"Malfoy?!" her voice conveyed nothing her face didn't already give away.

"G'morning Granger," he relished in her obvious discomfort.

Her eyebrows pulled into a scowl and she had a moment of panic _What the fuck happened? What the fuck is happening?_

Of course she had been drinking last night. Of. Course. The one goddamn time she wakes up to a strange man in the morning- _was it morning?_- and it had to be him and she had to have been fucking drinking. She never drank. It was finally her time to relax and perhaps even celebrate… _Some fucking celebration_ she grimaced. _How is it the ONE damn time I celebrate and let loose the ONE time I wake up next to this awful- albeit attractive- wanker!? Ugh, stop. He's not attractive, he's slime. He's an ignorant pig headed blood-purist just like his wretched father; just like Voldemort… _She thought as her forehead creased further.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded.

"Last I checked this was _my_ bedroom and this is _my_ bed and _you're_ the one naked in it," he watched her squirm as, suddenly, all of the feelings of enjoyment of the previous night- _was it still night?_- left him.

_No _she thought _I couldn't have willingly come here…. HERE of all places?_ Remembering the unfortunate encounter with Malfoy's aunt Bellatrix LeStrange just months ago. _I was drugged. Or put under the Imperius Curse. Or slipped something. Or dragged!_ She rationalized.

"What the hell did you do to me you sick prat?" Hermione spit with a fervor he hadn't seen since 3rd year since she slapped him.

He replied coolly and calmly with just a hint of accomplishment in his voice, "I did a lot of things Granger, none of which you seemed to mind." He smirked devilishly, which made Hermione's blood boil, "What the fuck are you talking about?!" She openly swore in front of him. Draco struggled to hide his shock of the loose tongue of the prim-and-proper, goody-two-shoes witch, "You came here on your own free will, Granger. Perhaps it took a bit of convincing to not have you follow Nott, but you were coming upstairs with someone regardless…" He recovered and sported a smirk.

_What was he talking about? _she questioned everything that came out of his mouth, _He has to be feeding me stupid lies to absolve his guilt as to taking advantage of me…_ She pleaded, hoping she wasn't that- that _whorish_ in her drunken state. She had hoped he would've found her "disgusting blood" enough to make him repulsed by her. She sighed at the depressing thought that perhaps her vulnerability and ultimate embarrassment would overcome his hatred for her.

_I wonder what she's thinking _ he allowed himself to wonder, but then mentally shook those _perhaps more than snide curiosity? _inquisitive thoughts from his head… He knew what she was thinking. "What the fucking hell is this god damn cocksucker playing at?" Of course that was in his own words… She had sworn in front of him but lets not assume her mental thoughts are as repugnant as his.

_What the fucking hell is this fucker playing me for? Some kind of… SOME KIND OF COMMON SLAG!? _she fumed and swore worse.

"What the hell happened last night?" she started.

"Don't tell me you don't remember?" he got too much enjoyment out of this. He waited for her to replay her actions from the night previous; and if she couldn't he would oblige.

When she came up with nothing after the the first few drinks at the Defeat of the Dark Lord Party (thats not what it was called but it very well could've been) he said, in more than an sinister tone, "You really don't remember, do you?" he almost sounded hurt… But he amended that instantaneously, "You went to the alleyway with Theo," he used his first name, like they were friends- which everyone knew certainly knew they were not. Although in Slytherin together, Theodore Nott and Draco Malfoy had it out for each other as much as a Gryffindor and a Slytherin had. Nott resented Malfoy for his status among the purebloods, and he made it abundantly clear with his constant attempt at ridicule to the Malfoy heir, while Malfoy nonchalantly reminded the perhaps "common" Slyitherin (always striving toward their own selfish fucking goals wit no disregard for anyone else- perhaps a flaw, Draco Malfoy had considered a dozen times or more) constantly of his inferior social status in comparison to his. "I knew you wouldn't be interested in what Theo had in mind," he explained, "unless you enjoy whips and gags- and certainly not in the kinky way, Granger… He wanted to beat the shit out of you and then fuck you for his own personal gain. Not to mention the status it would give his family to have fucked- and impregnated- a _mudblood._"

He had said it. Again. Even after his side lost. Again. How could he be so absolutely ignorant and insensitive? Hermione damn near lost it… But she regained enough focus to ask again; she was always so curious in the facts, "So are you going to tell me or do i have to hex it out of you? What. Happened."

"So," he continued, "I did what I had to do." The statement baffled her- which confused yet pleased him greatly. "I told Nott.." _He used his last name again…_ she remarked "…that he was wanted inside by Blaise and Parkinson. He went inside because he thought he was a somebody again.." damn him for revealing too much about _his _side, whatever the fuck that was nowadays ".. and you decided he obviously was worth forgetting and kissed me. Things more or less progressed from there…" He left out certain things. "We ended up here, and we fucked. Hard. I think you came twice; that is if i remember correc-"

"You pig!" she interrupted him. "You selfish slime! How could you have proceeded to do anything with me kno- KNOWING the level of repugnance I have for your repulsiveness!?" She shouted, disgusted with not only him, but with herself for allowing- admitting her inebriated self- to succumb to such trickery!

_Hmmm, _he thought in his mind, _She really was something though…_ and went back into the moment. Right. Fighting. Again.

"If you didn't like it, Granger, you should've said something in between your moans and gasps," he tortured her with either a lie or a misplaced memory.

She grabbed the sheets and stormed to the bathroom (of which she had no recollection of how she knew where it was), transfigured some clothing and made her way to his bedroom door.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you…" he warned, scowling to cover up his _almost_ concern.

"Fine," she grimaced, knowing he had a point, she couldn't just walk down the stairs at the Malfoy Manor unnoticed. Surely his detestable father or his judgmental mother were already downstairs having breakfast- _or was it still the middle of the night?_ "How the hell do I get out of here?"

He pointed to the fireplace at the far wall of his bedroom and dully said, "Just Floo out of here and don't try to remember last night. For both our sakes."

And with a handful of Floo Powder and a mutter of location- which Malfoy couldn't make out (he suspected it was purposeful) she was gone.

And he was awake.

**A/N: I very obviously don't write this stuff much. I like reviews but this story is more out of my boredom than anything... Sorry if I get bored with this, too, and stop. Also, I am a grammar Nazi so if you notice any mistakes PLEASE TELL ME! I know the formatting is kinda strange but I'm just getting into the swing of things. I have an idea of where this is going but no real formal writing process. Oh and I'm not making any money off this so there's really no need to say I dont own any of the characters. But I dont. If you have any ideas as to how you want this story to progress or any scenes you would like to read, PM me and I'll take it into account! This is supposed to be fun, not work, so don't ruin it with negative comments unless they are constructive.**

**Thanks! **

**AlyssatheExcellent**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

She arrived….. At Hogwarts? In the Gryffindor Common Room? She had meant the Burrow…. But perhaps her mouth had formed words that she knew her mind was thinking _I can't go to The Burrow, what would people say? Would they ask questions? How could I even respond… I don't remember a fucking thing… All I know is I woke up naked next to Malfoy._

She quickly shook those thoughts from her head physically. Even if she put her mind to it and _could _remember, she certainly did not want to…

After a trek up to the Prefects Bathroom and a nice hot soak to wash the scathing perpetual stink of betrayal (assumedly) she made her way to the library. Nothing like forgetting something you can't remember with a few chapters on the integration in the late 1800s of the automobile and its hesitation toward the wizarding world… _Or perhaps more than a few chapters…. Book one is done…. On to the next…. Cant think of Malfoy. Cant think of Malfoy. Cant think of Malfoy….. Cant… think… of…._ and then it happened. A flash. Only a moment or two:

_She looked up into his eyes and he was thrusting, gently and slowly, his head directly above hers. They were close. Not just in the obvious but his face… it was close enough to kiss. And she wanted to. Judging by the swollen and redness of his perhaps she already had. A lot. He cradled her neck as he rocked back and forth, exhaling with every thrust; sharply intaking breath when he could. His hand moved form the bottom of the neck to the base of her head. He passionately kissed her. It was gentle but with an obvious desire. When he pulled away they locked eyes, if only for a second. His eyes gleamed with something she had never seen before…_

"And when the car was very first invented by German Carl Benz the wizarding community was in an uproar. How could a "Squib" gotten so far. Of course he was faking his lack of magical skills…."

Blah Blah blah… she skimmed the page, taking nothing but words in. There was no pondering, no opinion, no questioning, no thought. Her thoughts were elsewhere. Even though it had only lasted a few seconds, she couldn't help but dwell on the intense memory. He was so very….. out of character. She knew him to not only be insulting and vulgar but cruel- especially towards her- overall callused and disinterested in everything that she could think of- classes, social situations, Quidditch (even though he pretended he cared for his fathers sake- but anyone with half a brain could see through that) even when he _obviously_ got the Dark Mark and started working for Voldemort he was not necessarily nonchalant but perhaps even numb to it? Maybe he didn't care one way or another the way things turned out? Maybe he had hoped for defeat but played along? _Why the hell do I care!?_ she almost thought aloud in the silent library in the silent wing in the silent corridor in the silent castle, _Malfoy will always be a Malfoy and who cares about his id_iotic motives or his god damn reasoning for that matter? It bothered her she had spent so much time thinking on the subject of Draco Malfoy and the maybe-not-so-awful **insufferable man he was!?**_…Erm…..is..._

_Holy shit. _She threw her book down. _…No._ She rationalized her thoughts. Sure, she had, _allegedly_, slept with Malfoy. But he HAD to have been lying. Projecting a memory into her head? _Damn it no… He's very smart but in Legimins? I certainly doubt that! _ she huffed out of relief and perhaps comfort… but wait. That means that it must have been real. The eyes, the thrusts, the kisses, the thumb grazing across her chee- _NO! _she couldn't allow her mind to think of _him_ as not only a normal human being but a caring one at that…..No. Never. Forget. It.

_**And….**_

_God damn it. How could I let her leave like that?!_ he thought to himself bitterly. _Now she'll go tell Scarhead and Weaslebee about how ridiculous I was. God fucking damn it I hope she didn't see me look at her before she woke up…. WAKE UP! _He took a few deep breathes with his hands clasped at the crown of his head. _She was just another lay… MMMmmm remember pumping in her tight pussy…._ he got hard just thinking about it…. _she couldn't have been a virgin, too much experience on top…. Riding me like a fucking mustang…._ he smirked at only the memories of that prude little witch riding his cock until… until…. he grabbed her neck and flipped her beneath him in one swift movement. And then…

And then he wasn't fucking anymore. He was trusting. Gyrating. Synching. He didn't know what had come over him until his thoughts were consumed by her. **Her.** He wanted to make her howl, no, not howl, not shriek, he wanted to make her scream. Jesus Christ he wanted her to yell his name. He wanted to have to cover her mouth for fear of waking his parents despite the limited silencing charms he had put on his room for the previous transients. He wanted her to yell his name. Not "Malfoy"- that was his fathers title. He wanted her to scream "Draco!" in his ear before his final thrusts and she came. Just the way he wanted her to….

_What on fucking earths wrong with me!? _he wondered as he finished; tugging and pulling at himself…. maybe or maybe not thinking of the bushy haired bookworms' lips wrapped around his member, looking up at him like she wanted to please him, but at the same time she was being tortured that she wanted it.

**A/N: Hello all... or the two people reading this! Hope you're liking it so far. It got a little smutty in there but hey, its all in good fun. I hope it wasn't distasteful.**

**oxox,**

**AtE**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

Hermione had decided after spending the rest of that day at Hogwarts to go to The Burrow. Thankfully Harry and Ron didn't ask too many questions- they assumed she had just gone home because, well, anything else would be ridiculously out of character. Plus they were far too hungover even days after the party.

"Hermione could you not turn the pages so loudly?" Ron whined as he put an arm over his eyes dramatically.

He was trying to block out as much sunlight as possible while laying outstretched on his bed. Harry was sitting on his bed leaning on the wall behind him. He was very quiet. By the blank expression on his face it was obvious he felt like absolute shit. Ginny was laying on her stomach at the end of the bed by Harry's feet.

The redhead giggled and teased, "Ron you are such a baby."

"Shhhh inside voices," Harry whispered nudging her with his foot, expression unchanged and eyes unfocused.

Ginny rolled her eyes and looked over at Hermione, "Wanna go hang out in the garden? It's a gorgeous sunny day and its our last few days before school starts."

Hermione said nothing but nodded and scooped up her books she was reading. She liked to be a bit ahead when classes started up again. Ginny was right. It was pointless to be cooped up in a small dark room when they had the chance to be outdoors. It was plenty dim and claustrophobic in Hogwarts over the winter months and now was the time to take advantage of the Weasley's beautiful garden. Once down in the garden and nestled cozily on a lawn chair Hermione felt herself relax again as she pulled out her Defense Against the Dark Arts course book and flipped to the page she had left off on.

_Why do we even need this class anymore? _she thought, but would never dare speak ill of a learning opportunity, _I mean seriously, I feel pretty well mastered in my defense skills after Dumbledores Army and destroying horcruxes all last year. Not to mention fighting off dozens of Death Eaters on the battlefield during the Final Battle. I could damn near _teach _this class._ But she sighed inwardly and kept reading. And then she noticed it. Ginny was drawing- something she had a real talent for- and slowly eyeing her every couple of minutes. She'd stare at her, pensive, and go back to drawing.

"What?" Hermione shut her book after the 3rd noticed glance at her.

"Nothing…" Ginny said in a childlike tone.

"Ginny…" she warned.

"Ugh fine!" the 17 year old was easily convinced, she had obviously wanted to talk about it. "Where did you go when you left the party?"

Ginny wiggled her eyebrows and turned to face her. She had such a ear for gossip. Ginny told her everything- interesting or not- about everyone and all the goings-on of castle life. Hermione wasn't particularly interested in it but being in the know about things made it much easier to avoid certain social situations and she was certainly grateful for that. Back to the subject at hand- what the hell was she going to tell her? She couldn't trust Ginny with the truth. She loved her friend dearly but the DID have one hell of a mouth. With no consideration to even pretend to have a filter.

"I went home. I was tired… And bored. You know how much I hate parties," she flat out lied to her closest girl friend.

_Oh my god _she fumed internally _Look at what being exposed to Malfoy for a night has done to me! I'm lying to one of my oldest and best friends!_

**And…**

Draco Malfoy had all but completely forgotten about that night. Part of him had willed it- in the day after. But by the next it didn't take any effort to push those thoughts away. He was grossed out at the faint memory. And there he was, at home, his doting and ever-concerned mother. His father was still in Azkaban but awaiting his release. It would only be a couple more months before they were all together again. And just in time for Christmas. He didn't hate his parents like people would assume he would. After all, they were the ones who got him involved on the losing side of… well… society. He wanted to. He had wanted to hate them for involving him, encouraging him to pursue in the obvious atrocities that took place in the underbelly of the wizarding world. He wanted to hate them for making him a social pariah of his peers. He wanted to hate them for supporting his bad decisions. But he couldn't. Because that's exactly what they were: supportive. Sure, perhaps they wouldn't win any parenting awards, but then again they were never good about giving Draco tough love, either.

They were the type of people one would chose to surround themselves with. Some people had shitty families and amazing friends. Draco had the opposite. Shitty friends and an amazing family. No matter what his decision was- they supported him 100%. Of course they always gave their input and questioned him as to why he was making certain decisions, but if his mind was made up- even if they didn't exactly agree with his decision or rationalization of it- they had his back. Always. And yet even, though it was never vocalized, he was expected of certain things. He had an obligation to uphold. He knew what would make his parents proud and what would disappoint them. His choice to get the Dark Mark, for instance; he hadn't exactly wanted it, and his parents cautioned him on getting it unless he was serious. But when he told them about how his mind was made up and that he wanted it the extreme pride they exuded of him wanting to join the big kids table and be an avid part in the security of their livelihood was unmistakenable. Just because they had made a mistake in their alliance with the Death Eaters and Dark Lord doesn't mean they didn't do it for admiral purposes. Just because they chose wrong didn't mean they didn't want what was best for their family. And just because they made an error in judgement as to who would come out on top didn't mean they didn't love him.

_I mean seriously, _he had thought to himself many times- ready to fight off any attack at his parents' rationalization to perhaps jump too quickly to the "evil" team, _Who on earth could've predicted that a full grown man and perhaps the (second) most powerful wizard and his full grown men well practiced in the Dark Arts would be bested by a 17 year old walking stick figure with glasses, his doofy yet loyal sidekick and infamous know-it-all bookworm friend?_ _My parents made the obvious choice to ally themselves with a worldly man, with an- in hindsight a little askew- opinion so strong and a determination so sound that he was motivated to change the world…_

It had been a very long time since Draco Malfoy had seen the black and white of right and wrong bleed together. Everything was a grey area- just some shades were lighter grey and others were much darker. The idea of black and white had even become a grey matter… His only wish is that others would see it, too. But perhaps he was the unlucky one… Maybe everyone else saw the world in color and he had only progressed to the greys…

**A/N: I have decided after one review- thanks buttercup88- I really want more. I feel as though perhaps I'm writing in circles but hopefully I don't get too hasty with my postings and proof read in hopes to come upon a natural flow to the story... **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

_She knew_ Hermione panicked, _Ginny had to have known she was lying. Lies. Liar. Lying. _

It had been a day and a half since she lied to her friend.

_Liar._

Ginny had seemed to have bought the obvious lie.

_Liar_.

Even still, even if she believed it true the freckled witch gave Hermione a watchful eye. Something had been different in her. Maybe it was the fact when the Malfoy name was scrutinized in leu of conversation she went quiet, or when was asked a direct question about it had given a hasty and dismissive answer. Perhaps it was because when Ron had mentioned his relief that he wasn't the only one in the Golden Trio not "getting any" it had made her turn a particular shade of crimson.

_Could I be more bloody obvious!? _she scolded herself. _Thankfully my best friends are assuming enough to not even question why my face is suddenly on fire….. _

_Liar liar pants on fire._

Ugh. She _had _to stop this. She was just torturing herself- like she hadn't been through enough already! She wondered, no, _hoped_ he was in as much agony about this as she was… Because she was. Not only had she- what she now realized was a fact and not some stupid lie _Liar _to embarrass her- slept with Malfoy, she had remembered enjoying it. Her stomach churned. What a thought. Merlin.

School was starting up again soon. Headmaster McGonagall made it mandatory for all those who didn't complete their N.E.W.T.S. last spring to come back and take their final year over- which was pretty much the whole 7th year class of last year. Things like exams tend to take a backseat when Death Eaters are throwing Unforgivables at you… And, for as much as the brainy witch enjoyed her magical studies, she had hoped beyond a shadow of a doubt to move past the convoluted, self centered opinions of her fellow peers. She had had more than her fill of people coming up to her asking her about the Final Battle. Had she been scared? Was it difficult? What was it like standing next the Harry "The Chosen One" Potter in those last moments? Was Ron Weasley a good kisser? Rita Skeeter could go to hell and take her unintelligent vile gossip column with her. "Me, Myself and I" is only a third right.

_It should be titled "Me Me Me" as far as anyone with half a brain is concerned…._ She sneered.

She despised that woman. Oh how she would relish in the scandal that had happened between the Slytherin and Gryffindor. The scandal she would never know about. Ever. She fiddled. Pulled at the bushy hair until she found a strand- the perfect strand to strangle her index finger with. The incessant twirling of her hair had become more than a habit these past few days. She couldn't help it. It was relieving. The tighter she twisted the hair on her finger the further down she pushed the truth. And as the days before the start of term dwindled away, so too had the feeling in the fingertips of her left hand.

She was positively on edge, _What in Merlins Beard am I going to do when I have to be in the same class as him?! What about when he sees me in the Great Hall? Or around the castle?_

It wasn't about what had happened between them. She had come to grips with reality. In no way did that make it alright and in absolutely no possible way did it make it okay to tell Ron, Harry or Ginny just yet….

_Maybe in a few years, when we can look back on it and laugh…_

No, the real cause of her anxiety was how he was going to use the situation for his sticky benefit. To blackmail her. To terrorize her in general. He was obviously unpredictable but he was still a Slytherin and still a Malfoy. There was only a few variables of unpredictability and it all stemmed at somehow making her miserable. She was already furious with him about it. If their past 7 years of schooling had foreshadowed anything as to what the next term would bring, she was in for a world of trouble… and the tough thing about keeping secrets is that you have to face that trouble alone, with your head held high and your nerves shaken to the core, and no one must ever see how afraid she really was.

…**.**

Draco was surrounded by everyone in the world that gave a damn about him (aside from his father, but he would have been had he had the choice) and also everyone who pretended to give a damn about his for their own selfish social climber needs, and he was distracted. It was their annual back-to-school soiree at the Malfoy Manor and it was just like it was every other year: Positively dull. He hated parties. The facade he had to put on was exhausting. Everyone made idle chit chat with Draco's mother, Narcissa, about the fucking rugs. Or the tapestry. Or how shopping in Milan this year had just been "So disappointing from last years fall lines. Perhaps Milan just isn't the place for decent fashion theses days. I've heard good things about Beijing…" He rubbed his temples. 4 times clockwise and 6 times anti clockwise. 8 times clockwise, 12 times anti clockwise. Ugh. Even his anger management techniques had dipped into an already depleted energy reserve.

Pansy Parkinson noticed almost immediately. She always kept an eye on Draco when he was in the same room as her. They were dating again. Probably…. He hadn't been sure- and the will to find out was so far exhausted that he just let her do everything. She very much loved him. More than he could ever and will ever love her. But her companionship was nice and she had a body that… He stopped himself. He'll show her just how much he loved her body later, in the same fashion that he expressed moments before the first guest arrived… Right where that very guest was seated in the parlor….

Pansy slyly linked her arm with his and spoke to Narcissa, "Excuse me, Narcissa, may I borrow Draco for a moment?" She flashed a genuine smile at his mother, which was returned with the same sincerity and a nod, "Of course Pansy. But please, don't keep him away for too long- I can only handle guest greeting by myself for so long without snapping and hexing everyone!" The guest next to the blonde haired socialite chuckled uncomfortably. Was she joking? Of course it was a joke. It had been a long standing one to keep not only Lucious, but now Draco as well, sane and attentive at gatherings. She winked at Draco and he felt better. Not great. But better. He gave his mother a doting kiss on the cheek and promised to be back in a couple of moments. Any Gryffindor who would've walked in on this situation would be flabbergasted as to how kind and sensitive he was to his mother, but the explanation was simple: He loved her. Very much. She was probably the most important person in his life and there was nothing he wouldn't do for her. It was really too bad that most of the time those things ended up being her plus one at formal tea parties with snooty witches and shopping- more like bag holding- at expensive boutiques and high end fashion line premieres.

When his mind snapped back to reality they were out on his back porch. He didn't remember walking through the large kitchen- complete with the latest Magic Configured Muggle Technology, like a refrigerator, coffee maker, espresso maker, french press (he fucking loved coffee)- through the exaggeratedly large double doors and out to the beautiful stone railed patio overlooking the rest of the extensive Malfoy grounds. There was a little of everything: A small forrest at the edge of the property, a small lake (or a big pond) complete with bridges that connected to walkways and a garden, not to mention ample amount of green space to play croquette, and of course Quidditch, as you continued towards the mansion.

Pansy slinked her arm across his stomach and rested it on his collarbone. He hadn't realized he had his arm around her. She nestled her head into his chest and he closed his eyes, counted back from 21 and proceeded to lay his head on her bushy hair.

_Wait. What?!_

Pansy had always had a chin length stick straight black bob. Silky smooth to the touch and looked even more so. Why the hell was…

_No. Merlin, no… Not this… Not __now__…. Fuck!_

He got re-stressed. He pulled out a metal case from his breast pocket, pulled out a fag and lit it with the tip of his wand.

"I thought you quit…" Pansy judged. She hated that he smoked.

"I did…. Then I changed my mind," he answered dismissively. "… Don't tell Mother…" he had damn near pleaded the last part. She would be so disappointed if she knew. She would look at him with those eyes. Every little thing that disappointed or upset her lately gave her those eyes; the ones that had kept up a charade of strength and happiness for so long for so many people…. They were growing tired, faltering, looking for any excuse to let the repressed tears shed completely- and break his fucking heart.

He took 4 long drags and held the fifth in, said a silent transfiguration spell, and it hit the ground as a pebble before he was done exhaling the stress-relieving cloud from his tar filled lungs.

_Better not smoke the whole thing in front of Pansy…. Even if it's better anger management than those stupid fucking sessions._

He had been in counseling for months. Every Monday and Thursday for the past 20 Mondays and 19 Thursdays. Tomorrow was his last before school. It was mandatory as a part of his "sentence" and if he did not comply- even though he had been tried as a minor- he would wind up in the same place as his father as a result of his foolish aid to the deceased Dark Lord.

_Good fucking riddance _he thought as he put his hand on the small of Pansy's back, did a silent Scent Concealing Charm, and walked back through those huge double doors and into the fatuous gathering of fake laughs and a whole lot of scotch for him.

**A/N: Hi hi again. So, I have spent a lot of time thinking about this storyline- perhaps more than I should- and have come up with a few ideas for the next... 6 or 7 chapters or so. That makes me happy. There is some direction! Hooray! Thank you to those who have followed, favorited and reviewed my story thus far. It means more to me than I could ever possibly express and if I could figure out this website well enough to PM you all I would. And will, damn it. Please keep reviewing and if you truly are liking it- recommend to ****friends? I would cyber-love you forever. But not in the gross way. I will keep you updated if you keep me updated. **

**Post Script,**

**Also there will be a lot more dialogue to come. So far the mental status of the two _lovebirds_ is far too important to worry with talking. They are more troubled and pensive then they even know.**

**Keep reading!**

**hugs and pirate kisses,**

**AtE**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

_I don't think I can do this….._

"Do what, Hermione?" Ron asked as they all packed up preparing to Apparate to Kings Cross Station.

_Shit. _

She had obviously gotten too comfortable with her thoughts and let it slip out. She thought of a quick excuse: "Oh, nothing… I'm just distraught it's our last first day of school."

_Liar._

How was it that once a tiny little (well maybe not little) fib slipped out it was so easy to continue lying to friends she had trusted with anything and everything for years?

"Oh, right. Well I'm excited about it," Ron bought it "No more exams or studying or reading books I don't want to read…." He trailed off and shoved yet another unfolded set of robes into his trunk. "You don't want to read any books, mate," Harry pointed out and gave a soft chuckle as Ron playfully shoved him grinning as his ears turned pink. She hadn't seen the two of them smile all summer; not genuinely. She hadn't wanted to think about it and she had pushed it from her mind in those warm relaxing months but she had known for a while now: Everything had changed. They weren't kids anymore. They had really truly grown up and it had been damn near instantaneous. And if she had been honest with herself, she noticed that not only were they adults, but unhappy ones… Like the miserable people you hear about- the bitter individuals that are nostalgic about the good ol' days and can't stand the people they have become. Harry had killed someone. Sure, he had killed a very very bad man, but he had still been a man. Ron and Hermione had seen their dead best friend limp in the arms of Hagrid as Voldemort approached in the wee hours of the morning after a night of death and destruction. Ron lost a brother. Hermione fucked Malfoy. They were three strangers in a room who happened to have shared a past. These people surrounding her had always been "her people"; they were the ones she talked to when she couldn't talk to anyone else. Sure, the memories were the same but there was an obvious change in dynamic. They couldn't talk about what went on in their heads with each other. The feeling sunk in that she had to get to know her "people" again, and more than likely, she wasn't going to like who they had become… And they definitely weren't going to like the new scandalous, sneaky, lying Hermione. They might pretend to because, Merlin, they had been best friends for years. They had put enough time and effort into each others' friendship to try and try until one of two things happened: They slowly distanced themselves and their friendship faded, OR they had a huge falling out and hated each other.

_Maybe those Horcruxes weren't just parts of Voldemort's soul. Maybe they had foreshadowed what the evil inside everyone can do to tear the innocence away. Maybe they had predicted what would happen when exposed to true evil: rip away all grips of reality and self assurance. And perhaps, when you feel your lowest- your most helpless- one realizes that evil can consume you and destroy everything good…. Even the strongest of friendships….._

She almost cried. Her thoughts horrified her. How could she even allow herself to think those things?! About gangly, charming Harry Potter?! About goofy, loyal Ron Weasley!? They will be friends forever- fighting the forces of evil until the bitter end. And with that obvious delusional thought Hermione Grangers' spirits rose. She was going back to Hogwarts with her two best friends at her side. Her and her boys against the world.

Well… and Ginny. Couldn't forget about Ginny. The younger girl almost dating Harry. Unfortunately, the poor girl was fighting a losing battle. Harry really did like her, but he had some serious issues to address before he could let anyone in again. She had been trying her best to help him cope but he was always distant and dismissive. He recognized she was trying, and it almost made him feel worse- he was losing another person to Voldemort. Maybe not the physical being of the late Tom Riddle, but his presence would forever ring in his memories… In his daily thoughts, on gravestones, in his nightmares, and even from time to time in his actions. Although they no longer had a psychic link to each other- the habitation of the Dark Lord had nestled soundly into Harry's identity. He had hoped it would go away. Hermione and Ginny had noticed it almost immediately, and hoped it would too. Ron was a bit slower on the uptake, as per usual, but it really hit him the hardest. He had already lost a brother- and now he was losing another, it seemed. Ginny had lost that same brother, but it would be several kinds of gross if she had imagined Harry- the boy she had kissed and the man she had fallen for- as a brother too. No, to him, she was a work in progress. She was hopeful he'd come round. Hermione wasn't so sure….

**Well this is just a Hermione chapter….**

As she ran at the pillar of Platform 93/4 she closed her eyes and waited for the smell. The wizarding world had a very different smell than the Muggle world. She missed it immediately as she left The Burrow and appeared in the woman's bathroom at Kings Cross. She had noticed it in years previous but had never been able to pinpoint what the hell it was. She knew this year- she knew a great deal more things this year… It hadn't smelled fresh like a newly cut lawn, or smoggy like the Muggle London, or of mint like her parents' house…

_My parents….. _she choked a sudden sob down.

She couldn't have forgotten about them… but the danger still lurked- for a few more years. Until all the Death Eaters were caught she couldn't risk it. But, Merlins Beard she missed them…

No… the wizarding world smelled of an old musk- like perhaps an brand new leather journal- but with a hint of sweet and a touch of bitter… Like your grandmothers house after a soft drizzle when a fresh bouquet of flowers adorned the kitchen table and sweet cinnamon muffins were baking in the oven. The muffins were almost enough to cover the smell of those damn mothballs but not quite- and it was right. Even with the smell of the magical train, even with the scent of owl shit and even with the lingering smell of the Muggle world- she had once again felt like she belonged. She mattered. She was…. She was _home._

The gleam caught her eye; the bright hair amongst the smoke of train (which didn't need to burn coal to run so why the hell was there smoke to begin with?) and the chaos of the goodbyes and well-wishes. It was him: the very person her mind avoided picturing for a very long while now. As soon as she saw that hair and those silver eyes…

_Thank god he hasn't seen me._

… the image of that ashen hair unsettled above his eyes paired with that penetrating gaze as he was intimate with her flashed in her memory. She blushed, hoping her obvious recognition of the biggest mistake of her life was noticed by no one… His hair was now perfectly slicked back. His eyes happy, as he joked and laughed with his friends and his arm around…. his girlfriend Pansy's shoulder…. but his eyes were sunken. His laugh- which she couldn't hear over the commotion and locomotion- was obviously hollow. His eyes wandered across the crowd and with a sudden intake of breath she froze, unable to react to his circling gaze.

_Is he __actually __ looking for me?_

She questioned in no more when their eyes met. If she was frozen before, that eye contact had completely turned to stone. She wasn't sure of her expression but she could only guess it had been one of shock. His eyes softened instantaneously as he held her inspecting her emotions. It was certainly there- a misplaced but ever present trust in the Slytherin. And he knew it. He matched her on-looking with the same shift from vacant to intrigue as she obviously gave him.

_Why else would he looked at me in such a way?_ she questioned _Sure, he's great at mimicking expression but he couldnt be __that__ good…. Or could he?_

Her thoughts of his opinion of her came to a halt as his eyes transformed into a glare.

_How long had I been staring at him? _she wondered _It felt like ages and yet…._

Again, her thoughts were interrupted by Ginny tugging at her arm. It was time to board the train. The final whistles were blowing. As she made her way to an open compartment with her comrades she felt a hand graze her bum. She turned, livid. Her eyes were met by Draco's' and her fervor for the man increased. "What the hell?! Don't touch me you cretinous prat!" she spat hatefully. Harry and Ron were immediately at either shoulder, wands drawn, ready to say their favorable curse. Ron's was "Flipendo" which knocks the unfortunate recipient backwards, hard. Harry's was the ever obvious "Stupify" which stunned your enemy. Hermione's favorite curse was a bit different; it was "Confrigno!" which caused the target to burst into flames. She really had always loved fire. Her wand wasn't pointed at him but she felt the indentations, after years of wear and tear, digging into her clenched fist.

"Calm the fuck down, Granger." He sneered, "It was an accident…." His wand was also tight in his grip, but not drawn. His absolute favorite spell was "Expulso" which made things- and people he had found out from watching Goyle attack a Ministry member not on the Dark Lord's side not even six months ago… explode.

"Fine," she ultimately thought it was best to let it go… "Really though, nice ass," he egged her boys on. They bought into it. Immediately Ron lunged and Harry pulled his wand back to attack. Hermione grabbed Ron and Ginny grabbed Harry's arm. Pansy grabbed Draco's arm hastily, turned him around and led him away, but not before muttering a barely audible, "sorry…" in her direction.

The Gryffindors made their way to an open compartment and sat in utter silence for the whole trip. Except Ginny, she talked the whole time. Literally talked about things so unimportant that the rest of the group tuned her out.

Hermione sat in contemplation at the things that had just transpired and pondered just what the hell it fucking meant… And what would it mean for the oncoming year?


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

In the last days of summer Draco had done nothing but stress. He knew everyone was going to treat him differently. His Slytherin friends would hate him because his father had given the Ministry information on the other Deatheaters- his housemates' parents and other family members alike- and their whereabouts as an exchange for his release. The rest of the school would hate him for being on the side that attacked them last year.

_Great…._

He sipped his lowball of Firewhiskey on the rocks,

_Just what I need- to be an outcast when the war was won by the side that favored tolerance and acceptance…._

She sighed and tipped back the rest of his drink. His mother walked into the parlor where he was just pouring himself another drink. "Again, Draco?" she asked and he felt his heart break at the tone of her voice. "Mother, please," he began but she put a hand up and he shut his mouth. "They won't tolerate those habits at Hogwarts and you had best abide by their rules," she stated, "They are already itching for an excuse to expel you and you had better not give them one!" She rarely raised her voice at him. She hadn't been yelling but her tone had gotten more intense as her volume increased. She meant business and if he wouldn't do as she told he would be in deep shit. His mother was a very kind woman- until you pissed her off. She had the ability to be cruel, thoughtless and ruthless in her verbal attacks as well as her magic that taught him at a young age: Don't fuck with Narcissa Malfoy. He saw his father almost lose an arm when his wife came in to find him flirting with one of the maids.

He knew she was right, too. His behavior wasn't conducive to success but it just felt so good to numb the past and truly not care about the thoughts of others. He downed the rest of his drink and sauntered over to his mother and gave her a kiss on the cheek, "You're right Mother. I'm sorry. I promise I'll do better…"

_No idea how to __go about__ doing better, but I'll do better_

"I'm tired," he said, feeling the copious amounts of the liquor taking affect, "I'm going to bed. Loooong day tomorrow. Goodnight Mother." He turned and walked up the large staircase in the entryway and made his way to his room. His room was the perfect reflection of him. It was dark and cool. His linens were midnight blue and adorned a beautiful mahogany bed. He had books and spare bits of parchment strewn across the floor by the fireplace and an unmoved Wizards Chess board on a small side table surrounded by two large leather chairs but the window. He thought of taking a shower for a moment but quickly decided against it as his eyelids drooped. He stripped and crawled between his sheets. Tomorrow he faced his classmates.

… _And Granger…._

His eyelids flew open. He had almost forgot! But the nice thing about booze is that it quiets down any stress that one has and let him drift off into a dreamless sleep…. Or so he thought.

He awoke in the middle of the night with a jump. His heart was beating out of his chest and he was drenched in a cold sweat. He was having nightmares again. He had gotten rid of them weeks ago but apparently it was only a brief disappearance. They were back and worse than ever. They weren't even about any one thing in particular. But it all had to do with that night…

_"Severus, please…" and I just stood there like an idiot. I should've helped. I should've cursed Snape. I should've killed Bellatrix…. Or done __something._

He tossed and turned for hours after, unable to get back to sleep. Tried as he might he just couldn't get that night out of his head. The way Dumbledore had just disappeared off the side of the balcony in a green flash had made him realize in that instant- he was in too deep. He didn't think it was all that serious, until right then. His world turned upside down and got infinitely worse after that night and he had no one to blame but himself…

Sleep eventually found the troubled wizard again and Draco tossed and turned. It wasn't going to be a restful sleep and the following day would be even tougher with his added exhaustion.

**I Guess This Will Be All-Draco:**

Pansy woke him with a pleasant surprise in the morning. He opened his eyes to find her naked and rubbing is alerted member. He smirked and kissed her hard.

_Maybe today won't be so bad after all._

The way he was with Pansy was different than it was with Hermione. Pansy knew exactly where his spots were. The spots that made him go crazy. She kissed him on the neck right under his earlobe and Draco let out a low growl. He stared at her with a certain animalistic intensity. He flipped her onto her back, threw off his boxers and entered her in one swift motion. That was one good thing about her; she liked it rough. It wasn't sensitive or romantic how they were together, no, it was passion and desire. He grabbed a fistful of her hair as she arched her back. After a good while of grunts and moans she shook and twitched as he pulled her into a rough kiss. A few more thrusts and he was right there in ecstasy with her.

He exited her and rolled to lay next to her, "Well good morning to you too." She looked over at him and flashed a small smile, "I figured you needed a little something to help you get through the day." Oh Ms. Parkinson, always thinking of him. He did love that about her. She hopped out of bed and started putting her clothes back on, "Now get up. You still need to pack and we leave for Kings Cross in 2 hours."

_AAaaand we're back to nagging, irritating Pansy…_

He grimaced. Why couldn't she always be the sweet affectionate Pansy? Why did she have to go and ruin a great moment like that? Draco sighed and threw the covers off of him. He walked to the bathroom and showered the smell of sex off him. As the warm water cascaded down his body he couldn't help but wonder how Hermione's bedside manner was after sex- because surely she didn't yell and accuse all of the men she woke up naked next to… He chuckled to himself as he turned the water off and magically dried himself. He perfectly fixed his hair into an ordered chaos. After dressing in his classic all black robes he quickly levitated his neatly folded clothes and organized books into his trunk. He made his way downstairs for breakfast and stopped at the smell of smoke. Eyes growing in fear, he raced to the kitchen.

_What the fuck is going on? Is Mother alright?!_

He rounded the corner and halted to find his mother… cooking?! "Mother what are you doing?! You're going to burn the fucking house down! I thought that…." "The Dark Lord was back from the grave and was going to kill me via burnt biscuits!?" she laughed but didn't look up from the eggs she was ruining, "Merlin, Draco. Just go sit down at the table." He recovered from his near heart attack and sat down at the table across from Blaise and Pansy. Pansy was smiling happily and Blaise was looking upset at the ruined food on his plate. Draco dished up and force fed himself the charred biscuits and brown crispy eggs. At least his mother was happy…

After a few more regrettable helpings the three apparated for Kings Cross- but not without tears and many hugs and kisses from Narcissa, "You three behave yourselves, hear me?" She sniffed, "Oh, Draco!" she pulled him into a hug, soaking his shoulder, "I just know this year will be your year to prove yourself! Prove that you are a good man. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise…." She released him and with a crack they were gone.

Pans had insisted on holding his damn hand. He hated it. When she mentioned that this would make all of the other girls jealous he spun her around, amongst the crowd of people around the train to face him, "And why should the hell should that be a priority?" She just smiled at him and kissed him. For a moment he got a bit lost. It took him by surprise. She knew he despised snagging in public, and yet she did it anyway. He pulled away and scanned the crowd, hoping no one saw. He was as embarrassed as he could've ever been. Ugh. He looked at Blaise who gave him the same look as he did when he commented on the "delicious" breakfast. The look that said "What are ya gonna do?" Nothing. He couldn't do anything, not for the women in his life. If he did he'd surely lose them forever. He had wanted to tell his mother how awful her cooking was and how much Pansy disgusted him with her stupid social climb, but he just couldn't. They were really all he had. Pansy put his arm around hers and he sighed, defeatedly, and left it there. Blaise told some stupid joke about a wizard and a gnome. The punchline was clever enough for Draco to laugh but not clever enough for it to have been sincere. He was bored.

And then he saw her. He was quick, he played it cool- like he didn't see her at all. But out of the corner of his eye he saw Ms. Hermione Granger… blush. He smirked devilishly at this.

_Oh yeah, today will be a good one. Time to make things uncomfortable._

He looked directly at her. He could see the emotions running through her face even though he knew she tried to hide them: excitement, fear, anger, shock…. comfort? He stopped scowling for just a moment to try to see deeper but when Pansy said, "Right, Drakie?" Oh how he loathed that nickname. She only ever did it when anyone else was around- which was going to be all the time now. He gave Hermione a quick glare to set things straight between them: he hated her. Then he turned to Pansy and said, "I'm sorry I was bored. Tuned you out. What was the question?" Blaise let out a sudden laugh but then hushed up when he realized how loud he had been. His girlfriend got all huffy and muttered, "Nevermind…" and they made their way onto the train.

_Don't do it…._

He urged himself to resist. But he didn't. He had to pass her anyhow to get to his car… Pansy and Blaise ran ahead to secure one for them away from all the excited screaming first years. And as he passed Hermione, again unnoticed, he let his hand graze her bum- palm out. He had almost gotten away with it too but something more superb happened: she reacted. She flipped around furious as to whichever 4th year thought it was funny to touch her backside, saw him and visibly boiled over with rage. She spat something he couldn't make out and added, "Don't touch me you critencious prat!"

_That's certainly not what you were demanding not too long ago_…

He almost said it but was distracted by two wands in his face. Potter and Weasley were crowding her so close they nearly blocked the passway. As he looked at everyones face he saw obvious anger from the boys and almost an eye roll from the littlest Weasley. Hermione's face was a mix between shock, rage and…. disappointment?

_Hmm… That's new._

He hadn't realized he himself had a tight grip on his wand, but hadn't pulled it out yet and Hermione still hadn't drawn hers…. "Calm the fuck down Granger," he hid his curiosity. "It was an accident." She looked at him disbelievingly, "Fine."

_Wait what?! That's it? "Fine" NO. This had fun written all over it and she's ruining it!_

Then he smirked. He knew just what to say… "Really though, nice ass." It was all the two Gryffindor women could do to keep their hot headed friends from attacking. He relished in the chaos and the- he felt a hand on his upper arm pull hard and spin him 180 degrees.

_Pansy. Oh fuck…._

She turned to Hermione and said something inaudible before shoving Draco away and into their car.

"What the hell, Draco?!" Now it was Pansy's turn to be mad at him. "What, Pansy?" he almost snapped, "It's first day back! Gotta entertain myself somehow!" "Your mother said…" she started but was cut off by the now enraged Malfoy heir, "No! I'm a grown fucking man and I will not have anyone- including my mother- lecture me on what I can and cannot do!" Pansy shrunk away and let it go. Blaise stared at the couple wide-eyed and a grin on his face. This had to have been the ultimate entertainment for him. The mood in the compartment suddenly relaxed. "I'm sorry I yelled…" Draco half meant it. "I'm sorry I lectured…" she meant every word. They got settled in and Blaise asked out of the blue, "So, mate, are you going to do Quidditch this year? Because since Potters back, you might actually have some competition!" "To be perfectly honest I hadn't even thought about it…" He really hadn't. He had never loved Quidditch. At least not as the Seeker. He really liked being a Chaser much better, but the Seeker was the most prestigious and his father trained him for hours and hours as a child to be a one… "Probably not. As much as I'd love to I really should focus on my classwork," he finally replied. With that statement he more or less alienated Blaise Zabini for the rest of the trip. It was an accident. He didn't know social cues anymore… With that depressed notion he exuded himself to go look for the sweets. No matter how old he got he couldn't resist his sweet tooth. He bought 3 Chocolate Frog and some Fizzing Wizzbees and walked back. His friends and him sat quiet the rest of the way to the castle. Draco decided now was a good time to get ahead in the lesson plans, cracked open a book, and read. His mind not thinking of those stupid Gryffindors. His mind not thinking of their incessant giggling and inside jokes. And his mind definitely not thinking of Hermione Granger….

**A/N: **** Quickly, I want to say thank you so much for all of the follows. I hope ****you're enjoying it so far! Im pretty excited for the next few chapters I just need to work out the kinks. I would appreciate reviews if you have the time... If not I understand, I barely have time to write the story! Haha. Also, I am very aware of my abuse of ellipsis. Keep on reading!**

**xo,**

**AtE**


	7. Chapter 7

side jokes. And his mind definitely not thinking of Hermione Granger….

**Chapter 7:**

Hermione exited the train with her three best friends to flashes and shouts. She put her arm over her eyes to shield the bright light. It was also reflex. The Daily Prophet, Quibbler, Witch Weekly, Teen Wiz, and many other popular magazines and newspapers had been following the gang all summer. She was surprised they didn't encounter them when they went to Diagon Alley. But then again they knew she would be here.

_Why didn't they listen to me when I said we should Floo here? Or at __least__ apparate into Hogsmeade…. God damn it. What the hell is so interesting in us anyhow? The war is over people! Everything you need to know is already out in all the rest of the papers!_

"Are you looking forward to the new term?" one reporter asked shoving a quill and parchment close to Harry's face. "Do you think you even need to take Defense Against the Dark Arts?" asked another, to Ron. "Will it be different attending school here now that the late Professor Dumbledore is no longer Headmaster?" "JUST STOP!" Harry barked. Ginny snatched his arm and led them away. The-Boy-Who-Lived on a violent streak? Oh goodness they'd twist that last comment…. Hermione took the floor, "There is no question we have not already addressed and if you all don't mind we are going up to the feast….. And don't even think about following us! The castle has charms and wards against your kind." Before she turned around and stomped off she caught a watchful eye looking directly at her. Of course Malfoy was watching her tell off those reporters. He gave her a slight smirk then went about his business with his fellow Slytherins. He hadn't seen her look at him which was good because the press sure couldnt know about their new dynamic. No way.

They got on the carriages pulled by thestrals and the suddenly sad thought occurred to her: They could all see them now… Just then Luna Lovegood hopped in and greeted them warmly, "Hello my fellow Hogwartians!" Luna never failed to put a smile on her face. Although a bit odd Luna was the comic relief in a world shrouded in darkness. They all said hello and started chatting about Cronzorks or something new and terrifying Luna had most certainly just come up with. Apparently Cronzorks are a form of centipede that burrows into your hair at night and snarls it around. "I reckon Hermione's got a few Cronzorks in her head right now," Ron snorted. "Ha. Ha. Very funny Ron. I'll have you all know that I have an anti-frizzing potion that I use regularly!" she defended herself. "Well you need a more potent dose!" Harry joined in on the laughter. "It's the strongest they had!" Hermione started smiling, "Really! There's no taming this beast!" The group howled in laughter. Hermione's sides began to split. It had been so long since she really really laughed…

The feast was spectacular as usual. Anything you could ever want was spread out in front of the students under an enchanted starry ceiling. Professor McGonagall made the typical speech that Dumbledore had done in previous years and had mentioned that an extra area had been added in each House for the returning 2nd 7th year students. "This is a time for acceptance and tolerance!" She added with passion, "I will not abide by anyone being treated any differently because of their House, heritage, blood status, or anything of the sort! Those found guilty of such acts will be eligible for expulsion." With that last sentence the Great Hall grew silent… If only for a moment. "Expulsion?!" Ron whispered. And he wasn't the only one who had suddenly become silently chit chatting. The whole Hall buzzed with gossip and disbelief. "Silence!" the Headmistress clapped twice. The large castle room quieted down gradually. McGonagall continued with her announcements but Hermione had tuned it out. It was the same speech as the year before. Forbidden Forrest off limits etc etc etc…

How she always managed to catch him looking was beyond her. They locked eyes for the third time that day and he smirked. Then he…. he winked at her?!

_That prat just winked at me!_

She scowled at him.

_Well now I know that he intentionally touched my ass. What a fucking perv…. Or was he hitting on me? Torturing me? ARGH!_

Why couldn't she figure him out? Why couldn't she figure this out? It was maddening! The strand of 20 hairs twisted around her left index finger snapped into 5. Okay. Time to stop this. She turned to Ginny and said, "Hey…. Um…. There's something I really need to talk to you and Luna about…. Could we…." she motioned to go out on the grounds. Perhaps by the fountain? Or right under the Whomping Willow… Ginny got a look of excitement on her face and made a strange whistling noise. She grabbed Hermione's arm and drug her out of the Hall. She noticed that Luna, upon the whistle call, had gotten up and walked down her aisle and out the Great Hall doors not two seconds after them. Once they reached the empty courtyard Ginny lit up a fag and between side closed lips holding the tobacco said, "Don't tell Harry…" and proceeded to take a drag. The tip glowed fire orange as she sucked the tar into her cheeks. She pulled the cancer stick away and took a sharp inhale, passing the fag to Luna. Luna copied everything as if it were so very casual. Luna offered it to Hermione after a drag or two as Ginny waved her hands, "So?!" Hermione figured that her life was going to shit anyways and accepted the cigarette. She sucked a small amount into her cheeks and then pushed it out…. It tasted awful. After being scolded to not waste it she sucked in again, this time taking a slow breath in. She coughed immediately but was very much surprised by the amount of calm that rat poison flavored stick had given her. Drunk was different. Drunk was forgetting and pushing it away. This…. This was- management. Everything was able to be handled. She took another drag…. My goodness. The lightheadedness took her by surprise. So much so that she mumbled, "I had sex with Malfoy..." before she could stop herself.

Ginny dropped the cigarette on the cobblestone pavilion. Luna turned to look at her slowly, wide eyed. "What?!" Ginny finally gasped. Hermione looked around, buzz gone, suddenly embarrassed and very much guilty. "I…." she stammered, "I slept with Mal-" "You're joking right!?" Ginny interrupted heatedly. The bushy haired Gryffindor hung her head in shame and let out a great sigh. Perhaps this wasn't the lift she had been awaiting to be lifted off her shoulders. Perhaps she had just dug herself into a much deeper hole… "I…" she stammered again and fidgeted. The air was thick. Thick enough to be unable to differentiate between the oxygen and the carcinogens drifting ever so slowly into her face from the forgotten cigarette. "Ron and Harry would kill you if they found out!" Luna stated, feverishly. She snapped back to reality, "And they bloody well better not!" She looked at the two girls before her. They questioned her. Questioned her intelligence.

_How could they….?_

"Look," she started, "I fucked up, badly. I know it. Your faces don't have to remind me…. But Ginny, who kept the secret from Ron when you kissed Harry our 6th year?" Silence. "And Luna! Who kept it a secret from everyone that you have fancied Ron ever since he became Chaser our 5th year?" She felt her inner blackmailing Slytherin come out. "Look," she made her point, "We've all kept secrets from our friends for different reasons. My reason is that something changed after the Battle. Something changed in all of us. I regret what I have done and swear to you both on Dumbledore himself that it won't happen again and I would hate for either of you to tell anyone the biggest mistake I have ever made…." Hermione trailed off. "Well, I, for one am very proud of you Hermione Granger!" Luna spoke in her ever aloof yet inspirational manner, "You are a muggle-born! And being intimate with a blood-purist is nothing more than the equality Headmistress McGonagall was talking about!" Luna Lovegood gave her a genuine smile with a sparkle in her eyes that gave her confidence that she said nothing she didn't mean. Ginny didn't look her in the eye at all and only muttered a "Whatever…" as a agreement on their pact to never evertell Harry or Ron about this…. incident. They had a group hug- which was often shared by the 3 close witches- and even though it was half hearted by the youngest Weasley, it was made up for by the squeeze of the eccentric Lovegood. She knew they wouldn't tell. Not unless it threatened her safety or others'. That's how the group hug worked: forgiveness until the crime repeated itself…. Which it wouldn't. Hermione had promised herself that it wouldn't….

**A Continuation….**

As he winked at her, thoughtlessly, he could only reason one thing: he had to get her vulnerable again. Just to see if she was, indeed, the fearless unfaltering witch not only the school, but apparently the papers as well, had come to know and love. He wanted to prove everyone wrong. He wanted to prove she wasn't the most stubborn witch in all of the Wizarding or Muggle world. He needed to prove she was only human- not a saint- and she had wanted to taste the forbidden fruit. And would do it again. It was his goal. He wanted her to pay greatly for all those years of one-upping him. To pay for all of those years he had to explain to his beloved parents that a witch of "inferior birth" could best him at everything including getting away with rule breaking!

_How dare she do that to me?_

He thought about it bitterly at first but then calmed down with a beginning-of-term swig of Muggle scotch one of the first years had smuggled into the castle, of which Daphnee Greengrass had confiscated and he liberated from her possession. She didn't need such poison. He, however, needed the sips of caramel-like warmth to dull the ever obvious cold of the Slytherin dungeons. Once this elixir of the gods was finished he would have to give it up… He savored it. Swished it around in his mouth slowly, feeling the burn of alcohol on every inch of his tongue and gums, and then gingerly swallowed. He allowed the feeling of the stinging sensation down his throat and let it sink into his stomach.

_Now there was a fine word, __sink__. How could she do this to me? It was a fucking one night stand! How the hell do I get her out of my god damn mind!?_

She was all he could think about. Not even in a positive way. When Pansy plopped down on his lap he thought about how much bonier Grangers ass would have been. But then he remembered: her ass wasn't boney, it was tiny yet firm, like she had actually worked on it but not so much so that it didn't have a little squeeze to it….. He stopped himself. He couldn't get aroused. He had no intention of sleeping with Pansy tonight. And then it clicked! Something to un-alienate Blaise Zabini again! "Blaise, a word," he said as he moved Pansy off him. Blaise led the way out of the dungeon passageway and Draco followed. Blaise had known it was top-secret. "Whats going on, mate?" Blaise asked casually. He took a large sip of liquid courage, "I slept with Granger over the summer." Blaise stared at him for a long time- trying to read if Draco Malfoy was joking or not. When he finally realized he was serious he damn near exclaimed, "No way! Good for you!" Draco was seriously taken aback, "What?" "You heard me. Good job! Prudes always make the best lays," Blaise explained, "Plus, she's a nice girl. Not to you of course but that's because you deserve it. Ha! Really…. I thought it woulda taken you years to bang your yin." Draco was flabbergasted. He stared at one of his oldest friends with his mouth agape. After a long pause like that he gathered composure, "She wasn't bad. I've had better… If you breathe a word of this to anyone you'll be taking your meals through a straw for years." "Yeah yeah I won't tell Pansy." Blaise muttered. Now that the nicest Slytherin had a secret he wanted to tell someone, "Just lemme know when it happens again, yeah?" "Its not going to happen again Zabini," Draco demanded. He wanted it to, but he wouldn't allow himself that lack of self control. He hated that know-it-all righteous bitch. "Yeah right, mate! She's your yin!" Blaise pushed. "You keep saying that but I have no fucking idea what that is," his frustration grew, he didn't like being told he was wrong. "Your yin! The yin to your yang! She's a lot like you in some ways but in other ways your polar opposite." "How the fuck do you know so much about Granger?" "I had a project with her 6th year in Herbology. She's actually quite interesting when she's not being a prude."

With a "Whatever, mate." the former Death Eater walked back into the dungeon common room. As soon as he sat down Pansy was on him like white one rice. He let out an exasperated sigh and poured another large glass of scotch. The warmth in his belly grew with the familiar haze of intoxication. His thoughts drifted as his eyelids drooped slightly. Nott was making a scene. It was pissing Draco off. "And furthermore," Theodore Nott continued, "if the Dark Lord wasn't correct he wouldn't have gotten so many powerful people to stand behind him! He's always been right and we should really think of starting a new group of Death Ea-" "Oh shut up you pathetic twat." Draco interrupted the passionate speech, perhaps slurring a little, "The Dark Lord didn't get powerful followers because he was right, he got them by blackmailing them or promising them exemption after he came to rule… You're an absolute idiot to think that if someone had the plan to dominate Mugglekind he would kill off half or more of the magical population first." He hadn't realized he had stood up and was almost in Notts face, but there he was, "And furthermore," he mocked, "You're an idiot for still thinking the losing side, the minority, is right. Perhaps you need to rethink your social views, Theo, because what you're preaching is just nonsensical." For a drunk, Draco sure was articulate and convincing. Nott had turned an embarrassed shade of red and a furious shade of violet, making his face appear fushia in the dark dungeon lighting, but said nothing. Draco chuckled at his obvious victory, tipped back the last of the scotch in his glass and headed down the hall to where the 8th year boys dormitories had been added on. He crawled into bed, expecting to pass out into a drunken yet peaceful slumber, but he was wide awake.

He thought about what Blaise had said in bed that night after forcing himself to stop drinking all of the scotch- he would need some tomorrow night too. The idea that she was interesting even a small amount of the time had crossed his mind but to hear one of his best mates say it made him think. As much as he didn't want to and for as much as he denied it even in his own mind, his subconscious decided that perhaps she was worth pursuing…

**A/N: I'm so sorry I havent posted in a while! I was second guessing the way I wanted my story to go and this chapter was imperative to the direction. It was hard to have the characters tell friends and I'm sorry I made the girls smokers- even if its only casual. I thought it would be a reckless kinda thing for Hermione to do after just having her life secured maybe the threat of anything like that isnt so great afterall. In any case the ****reviews you guys have made have literally made me the happiest stranger youve ever known and I love reading them! Thank you! The next chappie might take a while to get up I have a very hectic next few weeks with work but I will do my best to not disappoint you all! **

**With all my love and thanks,**

**AlyssatheExcellent**


End file.
